Sod The Pitch, Let’s Talk About Advertising and Religion Instead!

By / / The last episode of the Pitch was enough for me to say enough’s enough. I am not going to write about the shitty show any more. It’s quite clear the whole thing is a fucking shambles. After seeing them award the account to that pathetic agency with one of the most offensive and clichéd ideas that I’ve ever seen, well that was enough for me to call it a day. Seriously, “women just know” is about as awful as seeing women jumping out of planes because of the fucking tampon they’re wearing. Jesus H. Christ! And speaking of his holiness, The Pitch did bring up something I think we should talk about, people. It was in episode 4, and it really caught my attention. John Boone was waxing lyrical about something forgettable — then it cuts to him in church playing a guitar! I was a bit taken aback to be honest. But like a good car wreck, I was glued to it. It turns out that John Boone is a man of faith. He likes to pop along to the local happy clapper camp and praise the lord with the rest of the faithful followers of JC. That bugged me. A lot. Now, a few disclaimers. First, I’m not religious. Not even slightly. The idea of it all is ludicrous, and if you’ve ever read anything by Joseph Campbell, you’ll know what I mean. Second, if you are religious, and can’t take someone bashing your beliefs, you should probably sod off now and read something else. If you can take it, go ahead. I will expect the usual drubbing in the comments section. And finally, if you really are a true believer, you’ll simply forgive me. Or chop my head off. Or believe I am going to burn in a fiery eternity of damnation. So there’s that. Anyway, why did it bug me? Here’s why. If you really are religious, and believe all that bullshit, then you have absolutely no place being in this industry. The very idea of advertising goes against everything you “choose to believe.” And of course, that’s where all the fucking hilarious loopholes and interpretations come into play, meaning that you can pretty much do whatever the fuck you want and still claim to be a follower of Jesus. Or Mary. Or God. Or Buddha. Advertising is one of the most capitalist professions going. We whore ourselves out daily, pushing shit people don’t want at prices they can’t afford and collecting a paycheck. We sell cigarettes, booze, flashy cars, bikes, sneakers, fast food, in fact, everything that is either superficial, unhealthy or just plain pointless. Sure, we sell other stuff too, but it’s a tiny percentage. We even do charity work, but tell me that’s not about easing our conscience, or doing some self-serving crap to bag an award. John Boone himself has worked on a symbol of modern greed and capitalism — the Lexus account. If it’s hard for a rich man on a camel to pass through the eye of a needle, he’s got no fucking chance behind the wheel of a flashy Lexus. And current BooneOakley clients include: Bojangles’ Famous Chicken and Greasy Biscuits, Ruby Tuesday, MTV2 (count the tits on that channel), HBO Video (again, hardly church-going material) and Batter Blaster! I don’t think that last one even counts as any kind of food, does it? I can hardly see Jesus feeding the five thousand with fried chicken and chemical-soaked pancakes, while handing out copies of Sex & The City and Pornocopia. So John Boone sits in his office, thinking of all the ways he can get people to part with their money to make rich people richer, then goes and sings songs of praise to feel good about himself. Fuck. Right. Off. I know full well what I do for a living, and I really don’t have a problem with it. I don’t believe I’m going to hell — or heaven — I am going into the ground in some way, where I’ll be eaten by worms and maggots. My “soul” won’t be there, because it doesn’t exist. It’s just something people invented as a way to make themselves feel like there’s more waiting for us after the last 20 shitty years of our lives, when we wear diapers and can’t pronounce our words properly. Moreover, I personally believe religion is just another way to control people and keep the masses in line. Unless you offer one shred of proof that there’s a heaven, I’m not getting on board that boat. Oh, and don’t refer to the fucking Bible, a book that’s been written and rewritten hundreds of times by men more corrupt than the Lehman Brothers, as proof. It’s just as realistic as Scientology. But I digress. The bottom line is this. If you have deep religious beliefs, then good for you. I hope it all works out for you and you get to go to your heaven and live forever on a cloud next to everyone that ever existed, all living in harmony, and all that. However, if you are in this business, I put it to you that you’re a huge fucking charlatan who is betraying every principle you chose to believe in. Fuck off and be an artist or a songwriter or go and work for a charity in Africa helping starving people. Do anything that helps you live your “faith.” But if you go to church once a week on Sundays to praise God, then go to work on Monday and sit at your desk trying to figure out how to make more money at the big capitalist gang-bang, you are a giant hypocrite. I mean, religion is not about trying to sell people shit they don’t want based on massive lies and exag…oh, well, maybe that part’s accurate. But if you’re religious, you don’t believe that, so get the fuck out of this industry and leave it to the spawn of Satan. We’re better at it, because we’re not conflicted. Now…bring forth the hate (which you can disguise as whatever you want). Felix is a site contributor, ranter and curmudgeon for The Denver Egotist. He’s been in the ad game a long time, but he’s still young enough to know he doesn’t know everything. If he uses the f-bomb from time-to-time, forgive him. Sometimes, when you’re ranting, no other word will do. In his spare time, he does not torture small animals. He’s been known, on occasion, to drink alcohol by the gallon. Do as he says, not as he does.

Comments

  1. Arafat Kazi May 24, 2012

    First of all, you’re pushing
    First of all, you’re pushing your atheist agenda in the same way that a certain kind of religious person pushes their god. Fuck you. I don’t need your ungod.

    Secondly, in your rhapsodic definition of advertising, (capitalism in its most extreme form; I don’t say true because I can’t speak for Adam Smith’s vision), you forget to mention that hypocrisy is an essential human characteristic, and perhaps the most necessary quality for an ad person. I mean, so fucking what if someone’s a huge fucking charlatan? You saying you aren’t? I’m just a shitty copywriter writing lines for Facebook ads and even I wouldn’t make that claim.

    Thirdly, Christianity doesn’t really oppose worldly success per se. Give to charity yes, live a spiritual life yes, but you don’t have to go live in a cave. Or die and come back, unless you’re a very specific individual. And in the spectrum of professions, advertising is fairly harmless. It’s nice to read religious texts and understand that extreme examples are not meant literally and metaphors are being used in much the same way that humans use them in every other form of narrative ever.

    Finally, I posit the somewhat antiquated David Ogilvy argument, that we should only advertise products that we believe in. Does John Boone believe that Batter Blaster (Allah forbid that such a thing actually exists) is the best food in the world? Probably not. But is it the appropriate food for a certain social setting in a certain demographic? Fuck yeah!!!

    It’s all about the context. Just like advertising.

    Sincerely,
    A practicing Muslim

    PS: Agreed, The Pitch sucks.

  2. Anonymous May 24, 2012

    Here fucking here
    Here fucking here

  3. SaladMan May 24, 2012

    “is it the appropriate food
    “is it the appropriate food for a certain social setting in a certain demographic? Fuck yeah!!!”

    No. No, it’s not. I don’t think it even qualifies as food. What exactly is the demographic for pancakes in a can? I mean, pancakes themselves are junk food, but from a can? So for the lazy lardass, they’re fine? Well, ok. But should we be pushing that shit on people?

  4. Anonymous May 24, 2012

    There’s nothing to comment
    There’s nothing to comment hatefully about. Although I love Jesus and am grateful he has saved my soul, you clearly have your own beliefs. Just because you aren’t attached to any religion of sorts, you have beliefs, and your beliefs are what depict who you are and what you put your faith in. You put your faith in yourself, and therefore believe you can do all things because you are strong enough, smart enough, handsome enough, etc. I believe I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. As a Christian, I am not here to judge the you or the rest of the world, but I am here to work in it and to make sure that my life is reflective of the one who made me. I can do that through my job, whether you’d like to believe it or not. Not everyone who is in your position is obsessed with money, some of us just love to make people happy, and in turn hope that our lives look so different from yours that you might just be curious enough to ask why. If not, so be it. You can continue to live out your faith in yourself as I live out my faith in my God.

  5. steve f May 24, 2012

    Hey I’m “religious”. I think
    Hey I’m “religious”. I think you’ve got a lot of valid points. You manage to look at both sides pretty well. I’m not getting out of the industry though. Sorry.

    The enormity and “evil” of any given client are a lot less important to me than are the relationships and interactions that I have with real people on any given day. So while I do sometimes refuse certain projects that don’t mesh with my beliefs, I put more emphasis on being cooperative, honest, and genuine with the people I work with and the way I conduct myself. The world in general could use less assholes, and this industry seems to attract them in spades. Advertising with march on with our without me. I’m not going to change the ad game by staying or going. But on a micro level I think my being here does matter in a microscopic way; in the lives of maybe ten to twenty people who’s work life might suck a little less if I’m around.

    In many ways this article is accurate in that maybe I should go and sell everything and help the poor or some such thing. Some people do. But I really like art, design, thinking, and problem solving. I don’t think that’s bad. This industry is one of the few places that let me put my skills to use in a way that puts a roof over my head and provides a life for my family. That has value too.

  6. Meedy May 24, 2012

    I wasn’t aware that
    I wasn’t aware that ‘religion’ went hand & hand with much of anything least advertising.

  7. Anonymous May 24, 2012

    Felix –
    I’m a JC fan and

    Felix –

    I’m a JC fan and also a lover of art and design. I sometimes hope that God is a finicky artist himself and is often displeased by “art” that I would call “garbage.”

    One thing to note about Christians though, because this is your religion of choice to pick on, is that they have been taking care of the poor, sick, and needy for years. And they will continue to do so. So, the next time you’re going through some deep, dark, awful shit (because everybody does at some point) the church will be there to help you, arms open, no questions asked.

    So will I.

    Now until then, let’s get back to work and make some cool shit.

    And yes, that show is awful.

  8. HowSad4u May 24, 2012

    Felix –
    I’m afraid you’re

    Felix –

    I’m afraid you’re setting yourself up for an eternity of watching ‘The Pitch’ episodes on repeat. Or worse.

  9. DJ A-Bomb May 24, 2012

    “Oh, and don’t refer to the
    “Oh, and don’t refer to the fucking Bible, a book that’s been written and rewritten hundreds of times by men more corrupt than the Lehman Brothers, as proof. It’s just as realistic as Scientology.”

    Boom goes the dynamite. I quit watching the Pitch, but reading the rants is great!

  10. Anonymous May 24, 2012

    Fuck. Someone forgot their
    Fuck. Someone forgot their Midol this morning. Simmer down cranky pants. Need a hug, snookums????

    Yeaaaaahhhh, someone needs huggy wuggy.

  11. TIM TEBOW May 24, 2012

    This upsets me so much!
    This upsets me so much!

  12. Dave Barry quote on a Jimmy John's sign May 24, 2012

    People who want to share
    People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

  13. J May 24, 2012

    I think the Pitch should put
    I think the Pitch should put various religions head to head to land new clients. After all, who is historically better at marketing and persuading the masses than religion?

  14. David Esrati May 25, 2012

    Felix, admit it, you didn’t
    Felix, admit it, you didn’t watch episode 5 and this is the “dog ate my homework” review.
    For a discussion of what went wrong in episode 5: http://thenextwave.biz/tnw/the-pitch-on-amc/
    Leave poor John Boone alone.
    Why don’t you pick on “Mary” the teetotaler who not only sold out and helped push liquor- but, deserves to be shot for that hokey ass fake phone call in the meeting. That deserves a crucifixion.
    We’ve decided the real losers in this “show” are these clients who are stupid enough to agree to buy an hour of TV to look stupid- thinking their current agency deserves to be upstaged by this bozo process.
    Give some credit to Paul Cappelli- owner of “the best ad agency in the world” for coming up with something decent twice in the pressure cooker of one week from start to finish.
    I’m not sure even you would have the balls to start your pitch telling the client that they are selling Mrs. Butterworths and then move forward with a strategy that isn’t stupid.
    We want your standard review for episode 6. No more cheating. Looking at the agencies for the next episode it will sure to be a trainwreck.

  15. Enough Already May 25, 2012

    I don’t know what’s more
    I don’t know what’s more annoying: the discussion of religion on an ad blog or David Esrati’s relentless self-promotion. Give it a rest already, dude.

    PS: Cappelli’s campaign was even worse than the winning agency’s. It was smarmy, sexist and insulting to women.

  16. Steve Hall May 25, 2012

    The best rant I have read in
    The best rant I have read in a long time, possibly ever! Not sure I hold a mindset as extreme as Felix but I, too, am fairly unreligious and think we just have to fend for ourselves in this life. Hypocrisy is everywhere. In all aspects of business. Advertising, yes but all business as well. After all, business is all about making and selling shit most people don’t need.

    But if we crap on those of us that work in advertising, we might as well crap on all the people that make all the shit we help sell through advertising. We are all hypocrites in one way or another.

  17. Constable Doyle "Dooley" Johns May 25, 2012

    Good show, mate! The advert
    Good show, mate! The advert wankers can all bloody sod off. Onward!

    Constable Doyle “Dooley” Johns
    http://dooleyjohns.blogspot.com/

  18. David Esrati May 26, 2012

    @”Enough Already”
    Is the name

    @”Enough Already”
    Is the name of this site “The Denver Humblist”

    a refresher especially for you:

    e·go·ist (g-st, g-)
    n.
    1. One devoted to one’s own interests and advancement; an egocentric person.
    2. An egotist.
    3. An adherent of egoism.

    Have a nice life.

  19. Enough Already May 26, 2012

    Zounds, Mr. Esrati! Thou hast
    Zounds, Mr. Esrati! Thou hast touched me to the quick with thy rapier-like wit! Shades of the Algonquin Round Table!

    Believe it or not, while my command of the English language may not be as vast and all-encompassing as yours, I am in fact fully aware of what “egotist” means. But the fact remains that your non-stop promotion of your agency’s painfully dull dissection of a lame TV series has gone from obnoxious to tiresome. Funny how others are able to contribute to the discussion on these threads without turning it into a commercial for themselves.

    If your critiques were even a tenth as devastating or insightful as Felix’s, your embarrassing attempts at self-promotion might be (barely) tolerable. As it is, it only serves to make your agency look pathetically needy. Are you really that hard up for attention?

    But rest easy, Mr. Esrati. While I am certain you will counter with an even more shrill and defensive response, I will not respond. There’s already too much bullshit floating in the water without the two of us adding to it. So have at it.

    Oh, and thank you for wishing me a nice life, even though I’m sure that was your cliched attempt at sarcasm. For what it’s worth, my life actually is quite nice at the moment. Hope yours is the same.

  20. Anonymous May 29, 2012

    upvotes for Enough Already.
    upvotes for Enough Already. Oops. Wrong site…

  21. Felx th Pssy Ct May 30, 2012

    at least he isnt hiding who
    at least he isnt hiding who he is
    it’s easy to talk a lot of smack behind a FELIX moniker

  22. Carrie[the '76 SKmovie] May 30, 2012

    Wycoff sighting…!
    Wycoff sighting…!

  23. Anonymous June 4, 2012

    We need more Pitch reviews!
    We need more Pitch reviews!

  24. Larson Bennett June 4, 2012

    Wow! Stunning vocabulary.
    Wow! Stunning vocabulary. I’m always amazed when poor writers can’t think of a better way to get attention other than frequently dropping the F bomb. Almost impressive as belittling deity, an easy an stable target.

  25. Godvertising June 5, 2012

    The ironic thing about this
    The ironic thing about this whole thread is that the Catholic Church was one of the earliest and best advertisers . All of the great works of art they commissioned during the Renascence were designed to promote their image and their beliefs. Many of the great works of classical art were also great works of advertising.

  26. Anonymous June 5, 2012

    Woah, woah woah, too much
    Woah, woah woah, too much hating on Batter Blaster.

  27. Anonymous June 5, 2012

    saul gud bra
    saul gud bra

  28. richardpagenola June 6, 2012

    Having retired from the
    Having retired from the culture wars long ago, I’ll leave aside the merits of the above argument (though I doubt Mr. Harris or the late Mr. Hitchens have much to worry about).

    I would point out, however, that Mr. Boone has created work throughout his fruitful career that most of us can only dream of. So whether you play guitar in a church, or worship at the Objectivist alter of Ayn Rand, the question of religious belief is irrelevant. The only question is, “Can you do it?”

  29. David Esrati June 7, 2012

    Where is the like button for
    Where is the like button for Richardpagenola?
    Amen.

    I have no use for people who toss bombs without the balls to sign their names.

    And, while I enjoy Felix’s diatribes about “The Pitch” for their candor and smack- if he signed his real name, his commentary would hold a hell of a lot more water.

  30. Anonymous July 2, 2012

    I was an atheist till I
    I was an atheist till I checked out the website for the Batter Blaster. If that’s not a sign of divine intervention, nothing is. Amen.

  31. i say fuck a lot October 1, 2012

    God hates all of you because
    God hates all of you because you are too stupid to see that your lives are 3meaningless

    $”&

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