EDITORIALS
Unwarranted Conjecture: Where's the Hoopla?
It’s 10 PM. You’re at home on the couch, staring at a brief that’s as inspiring as a sack of dirt clods. You sigh and stare down the white bull that is your blank Word doc. Grasping for a shard of illumination, you pull out Crispin’s retrospective tome, ‘Hoopla’. It reads like a compendium of new millennium advertising. Each page sparkles like a semi-precious gem.
A garter-clad chicken-man subserviently awaits your every whim (minus dick stuff). A dwarfish British motorcar challenges your preconceptions with iconoclastic urgency and hipster idealism. A mute king sidles up beside you with the gift of flame broil and vague threat.
This is the stuff, you think. This is the kind of irreverent, post-post-modern advertising that transcends the usual Carl’s Jr.-y dreck. Why regurgitate pop culture when you can create it?
Suddenly, you’re inspired. You’re in the zone. You’re conceiving new worlds: A Tourettic fan boat captain. A country-clutter cutter. A webisode called “Ginger Beard House.”
Next level stuff.
Just then the TV seizures and chirps with cheap synths and fluorescent flashing, snapping you out of your revelry. It’s a spot for Old Navy – a Crispin campaign you’re vaguely aware of, but now regard with laser pen precision. A Kim Kardashian clone vapidly sings about her “Super C-U-T-E” jeans while prancing from one choreographed scene to another, instantly darkening your mood.
Is there a wink to it? Is it meant to be ironic? No. It’s simply the worst of pop culture distilled down to 30 seconds of bubbly saccharine sludge. Ever a glutton for punishment, you turn to Youtube to dredge up some more Old Navy bile. Bad move.
This time a group of gal pals are at bowling alley singing “Only in My Jeans” to the tune of Debbie Gibson’s “Only In My Dreams.” Your eyes twitch.
In the next one, another group of girls sing “I’m Wearing a New Blouse” to the tune of Tiffany’s “I Think We’re Alone Now.” Your serotonin ebbs.
Next, Bootsy Collins churns out boots in a Funnovations factory, because – as the people of Crispin are fully aware – puns are the pinnacle of comedy.
And, finally, with the onset of “Don’t Jiggle It When You Wiggle It,” you close your laptop in soul-crushing defeat.
Contemptuous and a little dumber, you wonder what machinations are responsible for such an abomination? Surely, there must be an explanation. So you hit the bottle and devise a few theories.
Theory 1: Metal Machine Music
In 1975, Lou Reed released “Metal Machine Music,” arguably the most unlistenable album since the advent of the phonograph. Devoid of melody and rhythm, it’s comprised entirely of over-modulated guitar feedback – like an autistic Yngwie Malmsteen playing a chainsaw. The justification for the album remains a mystery, but you speculate that it was as a calculated backlash to the sycophantic reverence that was thrust upon the Velvet Underground during the 60s. Such rarified air can contaminate. Whether it’s delusions of grandeur or self-sabotaging hubris, Lou’s story was not unlike Crispin’s – that of a meteoric rise and tragic fall (an arc favored by films featuring blow and/or Marky Mark dong).
Theory 2: The Mentos Method
Mentos ads were an ugly anomaly. The weirdly foreign, hobo-cheap ads featured an absurd array of life-altering candy consumption that made us collectively shudder. But like depression-era circus pinheads, a freakish spectacle attracts a crowd. Consider Rick Astley’s ghastly resurgence, or those two girls and that cup, or Carrot Top’s physique (which, incidentally, can be attributed to his Napoleon Complex that was brought on by his roundly ridiculed androgynous-prop-comedy-ginger-clowning).
But you digress.
You have a hard time believing that Crispin has succumbed to the Chinese model of churning out cheap plastic crap, but the Schadenfreude side of you kind of hopes so.
Theory 3: Bogusky’s Exodus
With a creative vision not seen since Lee Clow (and bangs that could shame Kevin Sorbo), Alex Bogusky wasn’t just Crispin’s creative leader, he was the Adonis of Hawking Wares. The Swayze of karate-guy bouncers (and/or ghost pottery).
And, lo, like Icarus (another ego-drunk demigod), Alex flew too close to the sun. In a desperate effort to rediscover his life’s purpose, he abandoned his agency and retreated to a cabin in the woods, like a handsome Thoreau or a tenor Bon Iver.
Resigned to grumpy old men status, Sam Crispin and Chuck Porter fell victim to stereotype. Their fleeting attention spans were focused more on the Floridian shuffleboard/smorgasbord circuit than irreverent computer-y advertising. Sadly, their heir apparent, Andrew Keller, dropped the baton in favor of his crimper. And thus the soul of the Crispin machine was vanquished. Not even Ted McGinley could save this sinking ship.
Whatever the reason for the agency’s creative demise (or hiccup), one thing is clear: If ‘Hoopla’ is the Gospel According to Crispin, then the latest chapter is the ‘Book of Mormon’ – a preposterous sequel in which Jesus Bootsy appears in America to pander to ignorant savages tweens.
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Chris Elzinga is a freelance copywriter in San Francisco. He is also the founding father of Prudism and Gimpressionism.
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Comments
The work is watered down, because the process is watered down. Every script is subject to approval and changes from 11 levels of hierarchy before it even gets to client. Produced scripts are unrecognizable from the usually still-brilliant original concepts. 20 rounds of revisions will crush the light from any concept, and the copywriter behind it. The brilliantly clever little shop that ran footloose and fancy free has become a corporate behemoth that may have lost what made it great.
Chris -
Your pointed observations of Crispin's lackluster creative output of late is completely warranted. What is uncalled for, is your flippant mockery of a sacred text people all over the world regard as the revealed word of God, in the service of a cliched metaphor. A text from which they draw great spiritual strength and guidance on a daily basis, along with the Bible. If you want to keep your weary metaphor in tact and draw a more fitting comparison, a better reference would have been the gospel according to the Nicene creed—a nearly incomprehensible document developed by groupthink with the sole purpose of perpetuating and protecting the authority of those in power at the time, resulting in mass confusion, disillusionment, and ultimately widespread reformation. There may still be hope for something similar in Boulder.
- one grateful Book of Mormon/Bible reader
According to an old Confacius proverb observed by the Dali Lama, it is not wise to shit on thee old stomping grounds of experience in learning, working, and play.
Well, on those lines to say the least, even if it is through the shittiest crap hole ever. For what it is worth, it is not always perfect or what it is cracked up to be. Idealistically, but I also agree with Steve Job's not living someone else's(my groupthinks) life. There are many overlapping generations and age groups; it is not about sticking them to it in position and authority for the paradigm of for a new generation.
Back to the shit hole, If you don't keep good relations to the best capability in the given situation and circumstance, you could be in a perpetual battling purgatory of SOL! Especially as niches of practice in communities get smaller. People remember and know eachother. As ackward and incomprehensible as it might become.
There is a little of everything at all levels in such a highly saturated big city environment.
For the more safisticated and savy it is about fine tuning your own life of/& work and finding the individuals you compliment and communicate with on the best level of working quality and efficient production, when you have the means and ability to do so.
CP+B is not my favorite agency, I have my own journey of opinions and preferences, but they are a larger entity of the functioning creative community at a international stage.
The problem isn't Crispin, or Porter, or even Keller.
The problem is 100% Rob Reilly.
All Rob.
Nothing but Rob.
When every creative decision is made to favor one man's "taste" if you can call it that, and now, when that man is in charge of production decisions too (he told the production department yesterday that he was now their boss in the wake of Dave Rolfe's departure), you don't have an agency.
You have a dictatorship.
And your leader is a spoiled man-child with bad taste, grand delusions, and no intention of ever accepting that if this many people are leaving, something is wrong. He's wrong.
@Etch - You're spot on with everything you said...but you're spelling of sophisticated was down right atrocious.
And does anyone have anything good to say about Rob Reilly? I can't imagine how many ex-CPBers lined up to shoot the shit outta him for that holiday snowball cannon thing...
And then I fucked up my own grammar...to hell with it all...
Rob Reilly was like a handfull of my professors(& I have more training than most advertisers, which most of my peers went to school for, in a similair creative degree that was 10x's harder to match & dual degrees), employers, and most deepthroating of all, not even sucking(I'm obviously using a visual metaphor for effect), my peers.
That's facking part of life.
If you don't like it there move to a company that works better for you. Make your own partnership/business and save your money or use your parents trust fund? Or do something appropriate to handle it in a discussion with the responsible party - as a concern to someone else at his level. Do what you have to do?
Sometimes you have to suck it up and cope. Be an adult and not a spoiled whiny brat that thinks your the shiznit. I know the BS like nobodies business! I'm really not here to cause a 'hoopla', whatever the hell that might be? I also don't expect to be treated like a dbag anywhere, and not here, and I won't put up with it. This crowd is sophisticated, and should not have to deal with immature ignorant bullying and hate. That does not give anybody an edge, in any sort of competitive and talented nature.
Thanks for the spellcheck; I'm sure Rob and CP+B find that incredible and a fantastic working environment.
Two things:
1. Crispin's decline began well before Bogusky's departure. The dead-on-arrival Nike campaign, the horrendous Jerry Seinfeld commercials for Microsoft, the craptastic early work for Domino's and Old Navy, the utter failure of the Ask.com campaign -- and, of course, who could forget the epic fail of reanimating the moldering corpse of Orville Reddenbacher -- these all occurred while Mr. Fabulous was still happily raking in piles of cash as Crispin's creative leader.
2. Why bring Sam Crispin into this? As far as I know, he cashed out more than 15 years ago and probably has little if anything to do with the agency that bears his name.
Crispin Porter has the tech, knowledge and edge, but I don't share their style or ethic. As someone who creates, I try not to be too critical, even if the majority of it out there bugs the living hell out of me. Sometimes trends and companies come to an end and massive change, as people grow and go their own way, a trend of the last decade. I enjoy watching.
If it makes you feel any better; I was the one who asked if nuclear wastoid cross-dresser was Alex. Thanks for the over confirmation in my greatfullness for never being employed their.
I hope you guys are successful and work it out.
Haha saF.I.S.T.icated. It was my iPhone's flip-wrong spell check that I did not catch. 'Is that not good enough?'
Obviously, I meant scene or atmosphere! How square of me I said environment.
I had a hard time getting in, had zero to none ins, and at one point would have been cpb's janitor(some of my jobs seemed equal to that) I'm trained in a little bit of everything, but it makes it hard to apply for just that specialty as an expert being competitive. Especially with an off major many misinterpret, and with all the stereotypes & this public BS of creative professions. I continue my own work as a hobby.
**I think you guys are lucky to have experience there, be paid better than most and have insurance. There is vices everywhere with everything.**
I went through a lot of hard times growing up here, and got judged and held to it twice as hard. I know why. Whoever it is, and I know all types from different groups, from a longtime ago or yesterday it doesn't matter.
Let there be CP+B employee resignations posts on the Ego and co. updates as such...
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