The Rant: How To Be A Great Client – Part Two (Of Three)

Volume 30 In a Series By Felix

Well, they do say that patience is a virtue. But I’ll be the first to admit, I left the gap a little too wide between the first part of my rant and this next installment. My apologies. However, if I had a really great client, I wouldn’t have had to spend as much time rewriting work and could have got this done a lot sooner.

Anyway, to recap, here are the first ten topics I covered in the first round (I’m not going to elucidate, just read the article for illumination):

1. You should be an expert on you
2. Realize that you hired an agency for a reason
3. Feedback should not be prescriptive
4. Too many cooks…
5. Who’s the boss?
6. You should be friend, not foe
7. You get what you pay for
8. Don’t hire a plumber to fix the wiring
9. Don’t ask for carbon-copies of other campaigns
10. Take risks

Now, let us delve deeper into that idealistic world of the truly great client. If you’re lucky, you’ll do work for a company that has a few of these traits. If they have all of them, allow me to congratulate you on finding a client that’s as rare as a fresh vegetable in a frat house.

11. You’ll catch way more flies with honey
Not that I’m calling everyone in advertising a filthy, disease spreading insect (although I can name a few names) but the analogy stands. As a client, it’s within your power to treat the agency and its staff in two distinct ways: first, you can be civil, respectful and a genuine partner; second, you can elect yourself lord of all you survey and treat everyone like the second-class shitballs they really are. Guess what happens when you choose the latter? You get an agency full of people who hate your guts and will do barely enough to keep the account. But, if you treat people like human beings, you’ll be surprised at the amount of late nights and weekends they will willingly work in order to deliver something great. Of course, it takes more than a good attitude, but it goes a long way.

12. A budget is not something to be kept secret
I’ve talked to many clients in my time, and on occasion the occasional beer over lunch has loosened the gears enough to allow a few questions to get answered honestly. One that gets the same response again and again is about budget; “Why are you so reluctant to give a realistic number?” I’ve asked. The answer is always in the same ballpark; “Agencies and creatives will always go over budget, so if I lowball I’ll more than likely come in on budget.” Now there are a few people in every agency that will treat the budget as some arbitrary number and do whatever they want, but most good creatives and CDs will use that budget as a solid guideline. If you stipulate $50k for a 250 piece mailing, and you actually have $75k set aside, you are already limiting the scope of where the creative can go. You are handcuffing the ideas with a false budget. So please, take a risk and be honest about your spending plan. If the agency creates an idea that’s way over budget, you are completely within your right to scrap it all and tell them to start again. But maybe, just maybe, the creative teams will come up with something that kills.

13. Give realistic deadlines
Here’s something that may shock you. People in agencies have lives outside of the glass and aluminum conference tables. Some even have families. So when you decide to impose impossible deadlines and ask for a project YESTERDAY in order to make yourself look good to your marketing director or CEO, you’re making enemies of everyone within the agency. Do your research, give the account team adequate time to write a brief and give the agency and creative teams a decent timeline in which to deliver the work. Now there will be times when emergencies pop up. Sometimes, you will have to be able to react quickly to current events. But if “sometimes” becomes the norm, you’re not doing yourself or the agency any favors. And yes, some people do work better against a tight deadline…but some people is not the norm either.

14. Don’t treat the agency like your pet slave
Way back in my early days as a junior copywriter, I had to do some shitty jobs. One of the most ridiculously shitty was a series of invitations and poems for the 18th birthday party of the daughter of a major client’s CEO. My art director was roped in to do the designs. And as this was an unpaid gig, a favor to kiss some ass, we had to do all of this on our own time. Over the years, from agency to agency, I’ve done my fair share of this “pro bono” work and it sucks. Please, don’t expect everything from your agency because they’re on a retainer. An agency is there to make you more successful as a company, not a father or uncle.

15. Make yourself available, please
You’ve sat down with the account team, they’ve taken your questions and you’ve signed off on the creative brief. Good. Now, you can hide for a few weeks and avoid the agency completely until the presentation. Well, that’s how it feels sometimes. Creative agencies are full of those annoying people who constantly question things; why are there three seashells in the toilet in Demolition Man?; was Jamie Foxx ever that funny?; and what did the client mean when he/she said this? If you aren’t around to clarify the final question, the creative team is left hanging, and it could lead to a few holes in the presentation. Or, in the worst case scenario, a complete re-do. So please, don’t leave the country once the brief has been finalized. The creatives will have questions, I guarantee it.

16. Don’t be a proponent of Seagull Management
If you haven’t heard that expression before, I guarantee you’ll be using it before the day is out. Seagull Management basically involves flapping around the office, making lots of noise and shitting on all of the work. Agencies have their own small quotient of Seagull Managers, they certainly don’t need you joining in. So for example, in a presentation, try to resist the temptation to start yapping just to be heard, while simultaneously crapping on every idea and belittling everyone involved. Yes, there are usually a few bad ideas, but there are usually some gems as well. Focus on them. But even worse than Seagull Management is the next deadly client sin…

17. For God’s sake, say something…
I’m not sure where most of the clients I worked with did their training, but it feels like they all took the same course in presentation etiquette. It goes like this:

a: Show no emotion
b: React in no way whatsoever to anything
c: Do NOT laugh at jokes
d: Stay silent throughout the presentation
e: Occasionally look like you are stifling a yawn

Now, this will happen 99% of the time. But if a major decision maker is in the room, the etiquette changes thus

a: Suck up to major decision maker
b: React in the same way as the major decision maker
c: Laugh at major decision maker’s jokes
d: Agree 100% with whatever major decision maker says

This is annoying. This silent approach to creative work is beyond frustrating. Creative teams will pour their heart and soul into some campaigns, choosing to forgo food, drink, sleep and a quick shag in favor of producing some killer work. And while they aren’t expecting you to drop to your knees and praise Jesus for the work, the silence you usually give them is deafening. Have the courtesy to say something. It doesn’t have to be the Gettysburg Address, but try and make it something more meaningful than clearing your throat.

18. Don’t cheat on an agency
Look, we’re all adults here. We know that sometimes the relationship will not be all wine and roses, and you may want to look elsewhere. No problem. But have the decency to tell your agency when you do start farming out work to other shops. It’s demoralizing enough to know the work you’ve been doing isn’t up to scratch, but it’s even worse to find out the client had secretly enlisted other agencies to pitch on the account or produce the work. You would expect your agency of record to be open about their client relationships, you should pay them the same courtesy.

19. You won’t lose any respect for giving props
Everyone likes to know they’ve done a good job. In this industry, it’s even more important to give credit where it’s due. Remember, most creatives are creatures with fragile egos that need reassurance and an occasional high-five, even if it’s only a verbal one. If your agency has done great work, let them know. If a creative team has done a stellar job, call them out on their good deeds. Maybe go one further and take them to a celebratory lunch. It’s not a sign of weakness to treat great work with great appreciation. In fact, it will only endear you to the people working on your account. A little but of extra sugar will work wonders.

20. Pay on time
There’s no long diatribe on this one. No fancy speeches. Pay the fucking bill when you say you will. Sure, some of the bigger agencies can afford to be paid late, but the smaller shops and freelancers depend on your money to pay their bills. They did the work up front, pay the bill on time. If you leave them hanging, you’re an asshole that deserves to contract syphilis.

The final part of this installment is already underway. Look for it soon. A lot sooner than it took for this one to surface.