Speedball's Letter To Customer Service
Recently, our cohort Speedball had trouble with his super expensive washer and dryer purchased from Best Buy. Here’s the letter he wrote to customer service – a warning to all corporate monsters not to get on his bad side.
Dear Best Buy,
I’m not going to invest any more time in explaining the circumstances surrounding my excruciating frustration with your company. If after reading this you are compelled to find out what I’m agitated about, I implore you to look up my account history. However, if my experience with the rest of your company is any indication, I’m sure that the system my account is stored on will be out of service for the next 4-10 days or nobody who works in the Account-lookup department will know how to look up accounts. Don’t bother to ask for a manager though, they’re worse than the rest of the staff.
From your store managers, to your phone support, to your delivery people, the incompetence at your company is staggering. You have built a monument to inefficiency so precise in its destruction of customer loyalty that in 1,000 years archaeologists will look at the ruins of your company and assume it was built to ritualistically sacrifice consumers.
To date, I have spoken to your main customer service department who could only offer to escalate my problems if I wait 21 days (I guess the first 7 months don’t count). I have spoken with your repair department who has told me my issue would be resolved sometime between 4 and 20 days (or 2-3, or 30, depending on who you talk to). I have spoken to your store managers who said they could do nothing to fulfill the agreement they made with me when I purchased your products – they even sent us a polite handwritten note explaining what a mess they’d created, but they could not help me resolve it. I have spoken to your Rewardszone department and they could not help me, in fact they could not help me over and over and over again as I restarted the process with them every 10 days just like I was instructed.
I have wasted more time being tortured mercilessly by the various diabolic fragments of disjointed departments within your organization than I care to think about. I have been made promises that were evidently complete fabrications, I’ve been hung up on, transferred to erroneous phone numbers, and talked to some of the least helpful, most rude, and most condescending customer service people I have ever dealt with at any company.
To date, not a single complaint I’ve ever had with Best Buy has been handled to my satisfaction.
The thought that I’m going to have to endure another seven years of this nightmare while my service plan is still in effect makes me want to shoot myself in the head. The only hope I have is that you’ll screw up and erase the extended warranty I paid for so I have an excuse to throw these worthless appliances into your parking lot and replace them with a set that actually works, from a company that actually cares if their customers are sickened by the thought of ever doing business with them again.
If I am ever foolish enough to set foot in one of your stores again, I hope a television falls on my head and kills me so my family can sue you and live off the blood money you have hoarded by extracting the finances and very souls of the hard working people in the community.