Advice - On Marriage

I have landed the gig of my dreams working as an Art Director at [agency name removed]. Everyone here is pretty much expected to work serious overtime and my wife is starting to get seriously pissed off about it. I love my job, but I also love my wife. Part of me expects her to be more understanding and supportive of my situation, what should I do?

Yours in desperation,
Jacob Limpic

Dear Mr. Limpic,
I hear this problem a lot. Who among us in the creative industries hasn’t found themselves toiling away at work night after night and spending less and less time with their loved ones as their career takes off? The divorce rate at advertising agencies is one of the highest in the nation. I suspect the same holds true at design firms, but I couldn’t find any statistics for civil unions so I can’t be sure.

Do we work like this to make humanity a better place and maybe save some lives? Of course not! We do it because we hate our spouses or because our Creative Director just got transferred to our office from NYC and he doesn’t know anyone here or have anything better to do than work all the time. Since you mentioned you don’t hate your wife, I’ll assume you simply don’t have the option to say no to your boss. I’ll go one step further and presume that you probably don’t even have time to call your wife and tell her not to wait up most of the time. Do you really expect her to understand that? Don’t be stupid.

Don’t lose hope though, every cloud has a silver lining.

First off, you need to think of your wife’s complaints like oil stains on your driveway. As long as they are fresh and small you know there is probably still some oil in your engine. Once they are no longer fresh, or they are huge, you are probably out of oil and your engine is going to seize up. Just know that as long as your wife is complaining, it means she is unhappy. Since you really have no choice but to keep working long hours, you can at least take some comfort in knowing that she’s very unhappy with the way her life turned out. Why is this comforting? Because as soon as she starts being happy, it means she’s screwing someone else.

Secondly, you need to put things in perspective. You have the job of your dreams! Can you say the same thing about your wife? You wouldn’t trade this job for the world, but I’m guessing you can think of a few newer models you’d consider trading in your high-milage wife for. Be honest. Who knows, maybe like so many of us working late with that cute little media planner or production intern, you’ve already started taking a few test drives. The next time your wife is complaining about your hours, just remind her of where she fits into your hierarchy of needs—maybe also remind her that Volvo wagon doesn’t pay for itself either.

Anyway, I’m not saying this situation is ideal, but just be glad you’re not a doctor. Their divorce rates are higher and they get desensitized to nudity while at work as well.

Denver, I’m here to help,

Speedball

Need advice? You can contact Speedball at speedball@theegotist.com, or follow him on Twitter: @spdbll.